Things to Remember About Ubangees:

1. They're not bad things. You only ubangee somebody if you love 'em.
2. Properly done, they do not hurt. This is a common misconception of people at those other, lesser colleges - when ubangeed, some may be heard to say "wow...it didn't hurt at all..." in a wondering tone of voice. If properly braced, the person being ubangeed doesn't even feel it.
3. A ubangee is not a random dogpile. The bracer gets on his or her knees and elbows over the ubangeeee, and the people above them do the same thing, laying cross-wise and bracing as well as they can. Granted, this means that being the bracer can really suck, but take comfort in the fact that the person just above the bracer is the one who really feels it.
4. Don't be a loser and give up without a fight. A ubangee's no fun if the victim doesn't try to escape. Be sly and sneak away, be strong and grab onto a railing with all your might, or just be fast and run the hell away. Don't just stand there like a moron.
5. The proper Team Wiess response to "hey, it's my birthday!" is not "that's great." The real thing: "that's great - ubangee!" Friends ubangee friends on their birthday.
6. Another good time to ubangee somebody is if they're leaving, graduating, moving, whatever. A tearful goodbye ubangee is a wonderful thing.
7. People from other colleges are always in need of a good ubangee (they just don't know it yet). Especially if they ask "what's a ubangee?" (I'd guess that neither common sense nor survival instinct are criteria for the Admissions Office, judging from the number of people who say silly things like this.) Anybody who yells "Sucks!" after a good Team Wiess! needs it bad.
8. If you think somebody needs ubangeeing, do it, even if you can only find one or two other people. Silly as it may sound, 2-man ubangees do happen and can be damn spirited.
9. By the same token, big ubangees are more fun. It's kind of gratifying to know that thirty people want to ubangee you.
10. When you ubangee somebody, the right way to do it involves making a lot of noise. Quiet ubangees only happen in the library (and sometimes not even then). Don't be a wuss.
11. Ceiling ubangees: generally reserved for women ubangeeees. Carefully pick 'em up and "bounce" them on the ceiling. That doesn't mean "slam them repeatedly into the roof." They're not gonna appreciate that much.
12. Watch out for wild, ubangee-crazy females. Most of the time, it's the guys who ubangee people, but on occasion, it happens the other way 'round.

If, after reading all of the above material, you wish to have someone ubangeed, then we have done our job well. If not, then you should be aware that there is a wiessman sitting right behind you, looking over you shoulder, and whispering "And why not ubangee him/her?! You should be ubangeed!"