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It seems that there has been quite an interest lately in these pumpkin carols. As a result of a publishing offer from the Golden Books Publishing Co., we learned that these carols are not entirely ours. It appears that some of the lyrics were borrowed way back from Peanuts creator Charles Schulz. He published the borrowed verses in a set of Halloween greeting cards around 1969. We'd like to thank Mr. Schulz for the many years his carols have brought Halloween joy to Rice University and Wiess College and give him the credit he is certainly due.
- RSW, 12-29-99

Pumpkin Caroling

Ahh...one of my favorite traditions. 'Round Halloween each year, we get a great big group of Wiessfolks together and wander the campus, singing pumpkin carols to one and all and spreading the joy of the Great Pumpkin. It's fun, and it annoys the hell out of the other colleges (be warned: angry Hanszenites may attack! Especially if they're foolishly trying to rehearse a play while we're serenading them...).

The Idiot

A highly-prized honor here at Wiess (I'm told people have actually tried to be named Idiot in past years), the College Idiot (or Idiots, lately) should be somebody, usually a freshman, who a large part of Wiess views as being incurably goofy/dumb/silly. Being elected Idiot's not really a bad thing, per se - if you were an asshole, you would've been elected DWE, instead. Count your blessings.

Back when I was a Freshman, the Idiots are Dan "Homegrown" Martin and Chris "Mass-Produced" Ruehl (look, he's got to have a nickname to even it out. Leave me alone). Other past Idiots have included such luminaries as Joey Coffey, who holds the dubious honor of being elected both Idiot and DWE (I still think Brian Miller deserved DWE that year, not Joey), Jay Fundling, and Gabe Wolosin. Give them all the respect they deserve.

The Route

Now, this isn't necessarily engraved in stone, or even correct, really, but it's how I myself remember caroling:

Wiess (obviously) - crown the Idiot(s) with their own personal pumpkins, making them like unto the image of the Great Pumpkin himself. (And please don't let the Idiot(s) run into any trees.)
The other inner colleges - Hanszen, Sid, Will Rice, Lovett, Baker, and whoever else (they all kind of blur together after a while). Remember the line change in Deck the Patch when singing at Sid... And watch the roofs over your heads, especially out in front of Sid and at that annoying toaster-shaped college.
Willy's Statue - the most important part of the ceremony. Get some agile Wiessman to climb up and place a pumpkin with a candle in it on Willy's head, then prostrate yourselves before the Idiot(s) and sing! Sing!
Fondren - file in quiet like mice and sing to all the brain-fried grad students. Then yell and scream on the way out.
Gillis' House - and maybe you can even get him to come along! (Rupp never would. We scared the hell out of him.)
BrownJones - that horrifying composite beast on the far side of the campus. Just call it "Brones," and please everybody. (And make sure you send somebody ahead if Gillis is caroling...we wouldn't want the President of Rice to get douched, would we?)
Ryon - hit the back room and piss off all the geeks (well, and the people genuinely working, too, but that's beside the point).
Valhalla!
Anderson - that's the Archi Hive, for those of you that don't know. Make sure an Archi leads the way, 'cause anyone else will get everyone lost once you turn the first corner.
The RMC/Coffeehouse - the elderly folks we sang to last time seemed to like us... (and maybe you can even bully the DJs up at KTRU to let everyone sing on the air!)
Back to Wiess, triumphant and joyful - go eat cookies at Wiess House.

Like I said, not necessarily correct, but eh, wing it.

The Official Wiess College Pumpkin Carols

Great Pumpkin is Coming to Town

Oh, you better not shriek
You better not groan
You better not howl
You better not moan
Great Pumpkin is coming to town He's gonna find out
From folks that he meets
Who deserves tricks
And who deserves treats
Great Pumpkin is coming to town He'll search in every pumpkin patch
Haunted houses far and near
To see if you've been spreading gloom
Or bringing lots of cheer Oh, you better not shriek
You better not groan
You better not howl
You better not moan
Great Pumpkin is coming to town

Deck the Patch

Deck the patch with orange and black
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Take along your goodie sack
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Don we now our gay apparel
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Troll the ancient pumpkin carol
Fa la la la la, la la la la See the Great One rise before us
Fa la la la la, la la la la
As we sing the pumpkin chorus
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Follow him as he ascends
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Join with true Great Pumpkin friends
Fa la la la la, la la la la

O Pumpkin Cards

Pumpkin cards, oh pumpkin cards!
Carry greetings to my friends
Let them know the day is here
When Great Pumpkin will appear
Pumpkin cards, oh pumpkin cards!
Carry greetings to my friends

We the Clowns of Wiess College

We the clowns of Wiess College are
Singing tunes we learned in a bar
Of dark demons, ghosts and goblins
Great Pumpkin's our shining star
Ohhhhhhh, ohhhhhhh Star of horror, star of blight
Star with mystic powers if might
Upward leading we are pleading
Let this be Great Pumpkin's night

The Twelve Days of Halloween

On the (nth) day of Halloween
My true love gave to me

An owl in a rotten oak tree
Two trick-or-treaters
Three black cats
Four skeletons
Five scary spooks
Six goblins gobbling
Seven pumpkins glowing
Eight monsters shrieking
Nine ghosts a-booing
Ten ghouls a-groaning
Eleven casks a-leering
Twelve bats a-flying

Pumpkin Wonderland

Screech owls hoot, are you listening?
Beneath the moon, all is glistening
A real scary sight, we're happy tonight
Waiting in a pumpkin wonderland In the patch we're waiting for Great Pumpkin
We've been waiting for this all year
For we've tried to be nice to everybody
And to grow a patch that is sincere Later on, while we're eating
What we got trick-or-treating
We'll share all our sacks of
Halloween snacks
Waiting in a pumpkin wonderland

I Heard the Bells on Halloween

I heard the bells on Halloween
Their old familiar carols scream
And wild and sweet
The world repeat
The pumpkin season's here again Then pealed the bells more loud and strong
Great Pumpkin comes before too long
The good will get
The bad will fret
The pumpkin season's here

I'm Dreaming of the Great Pumpkin

I'm dreaming of the Great Pumpkin
Just like I do this time each year
When he brings nice toys
To good girls and boys
Who wait for him to appear I'm dreaming of the Great Pumpkin
With every pumpkin card I write
May your jack-o'-lanterns burn bright
When the Great Pumpkin visits you tonight

Pumpkin Bells

Dashing through the streets
In our costumes bright and gay
To each house we go
Laughing all the way Halloween is here
Filled with lots of cheer
What fun it is to trick-or-treat
Singing Pumpkin Carols each year Oh Pumpkin Bells, Pumpkin Bells
Ringing loud and clear
Oh what fun Great Pumpkin brings
When Halloween is here