SILLY HATS CABINET MINUTES:

HATS ALL AROUND

My personal favorite is Charlie Dai, who’s wearing a military helmet with a TFW bandana wrapped around it. He opens a can of Sprite, which explodes, and attempts to pass it off as a grenade. He then yells "Charlie’s in the trees," and hides under the foosball table.

IRONY!

Because his name is Charlie.

RHYME TIME

Mimi has a baseball bat. I would point out that it’s silly _hat_ cabinet not silly _bat_ cabinet, but she’s the one with the bat, so I’m not pointing out anything other than hey, nice bat. Also, it is made clear that the bat is for hitting people without silly hats. She forgets Matt Sorenson’s title when taking roll, but at least he has a hat and so doesn’t get hit with a bat.

JOE!

Bonnel moves to approve Joe Dwyer as the new Capital Improvements Rep. Cabinet heartily agrees to do so. Joe says "Now I can vote," and then looks around shiftily.

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

FREE T-SHIRTS

...to the first 100 people who come to the volleyball game this Saturday at 7, says Tiffany. We’re playing Wichita State, who beat us in a very important game last year, and so we need to beat them. To emphasize all the beating, Tiffany grabs Mimi’s bat and tries to beat B.C. because he has no hat. B.C. cleverly turns his beer into a hat. Frustrated, Tiffany walks onto the Acaterrace and beats various Hanzenites who aren’t wearing hats. No one seems to mind.

HOW TO STEAL A TIGER

...is just one of the courses that you could teach as part of the Student Taught Course program (assuming, of course, that you know how to steal a tiger). If you’re interested, there’s a mandatory meeting in the upper commons on Sunday at 10pm. Also, email Lauren Schoeffler at schoeffler@rice.edu <mailto:schoeffler@rice.edu> if you have questions about STC or tigers.

IT’S THE POLICE

Bonnel introduces Officer McDuell, who is quick to point out that she is not Officer Duncan. Which is good to know, because I was confused. She mentions a BB gun incident, which I don’t know anything about, but frankly we have a bat at cabinet, so I’m not worried. She also says to register your bike, and be careful when running around campus late at night. This makes sense.

FOOTBALL

Christa is going to start hosting Monday Night Football this Monday. She says that everyone should come, and that if you don’t know anything about football (which makes you a COMMUNIST) she will teach you (which makes her a COMMUNIST SYMPATHIZER). She will also make unhealthy things to eat, in keeping with her trend of sponsoring both junk food and Team Running Wiess. I’d accuse Christa of hypocrisy, but I love cupcakes.

MORE CHRISTA

Christa says that there’s going to be a volunteer opportunities fair this Monday in the grand hall from 3-5. So if you’re interested in volunteering, then you should go.

SPEAKING OF GOING

The Wiess Auction will take place this Friday at 4 pm. You should go if you want to buy various sketchy couches or that mattress that’s been blocking the 4^th floor for the past three weeks.

I DO NOT LIKE THAT MATTRESS AT ALL

If you buy it and let me burn it, I’ll make you cookies.

LAUREN SCHOFFLER IS SAD

Because someone stole her couch and won’t give it back. Bonnel says that he’s also lost a couch. There is a moment of silence.

TRW!

The R conveniently stands for Roque and Running, as Roque is talking about Team Running Wiess, which will leave from the Acabowl Thursday at 5:30.

FOOD!

Carlyn Chatfield, an associate, is going to have a class at the Masters’ on the 19^th , where anyone who’s interested can learn how to cook rice from around the world.

COOKING RICE AT RICE! HAHAHA!

I bet no one’s ever made a joke about how Rice is a food and a university before. Ever.

MOVIES!

Another associate is going to screen some movies that were made at Wiess in the commons on Oct. 3^rd .

MIKE!

Says that Project Runway will be at the Masters’ on Thursday at 9, pending functioning cable.

THE BUDGET IS LOOKIN’ GOOD

At least, that’s what Travis says. He also says that anyone who wants to join the appropriations committee, which gives out money to various non-Wiess activities that it deems appropriate, should contact him at tbm1@rice.edu <mailto:tbm1@rice.edu>.

RIGHT TO VOTE

Joe asks Matt Sorenson if he can vote. I think this is a mistake, as Matt is much more versed in not voting.

SUMMIT!

Becky reminds us all of that time that she asked for $2000 for summit, and then asks for $500 more. We give it to her, as it will pay for more boat. The bus to summit leaves Saturday at 9 from the commons. Charlie Dai is not pleased about this, which confuses me, as he should be used to waking up early, what with the whole army thing.

JOCELYN AND SHUMAILA ARE THE SAME PERSON

Because they’re both on the agenda and only one person gets up to speak. Jocelynumaila says that the Wiess mentors society will be hosting study sessions in the commons on Sundays from 7 to 9. She also says that contact information for the mentors is on a big shiny poster in the commons that happened to cost $36, and hey, can we have money for that? We give them $36 from non-budgeted.

DON’T EAT FRIED BUTTER

Is just one of tidbits of wisdom that the Rice Health Advisors can impart to you. Hari says that the Rice Health Advisors, which is the merger of Health Reps with the College Assistance Peer Program, have such nifty things as bandaids, cough drops, and glow-in-the dark condoms. He also says that Rice won’t have flu shots for a while. For some reason this makes everyone cheer.

FRESHMEN! FRESHMEN! FRESHMEN!

...rep speeches, that is. A summary of the positions of the candidates:

JORDAN BUNCH

Is wearing a sombrero. He says he’s always open to suggestions, ideas, and other things for Wiess. He wants to get to know us all, because we’re pretty cool. He also says that he will get shit done, because Wiess is a priority.

EMILY VIEHMAN

Is wearing a cheesehead hat, which I, as a Bears fan, do not apreciate. She says that she’s taking 13 hours of classes, so she has a lot of spare time. She also says that she can get in people’s faces regardless of if it’s needed, that she’s secretly very organized, and that she is similar to Gouda and Munster cheese.

CHRISTINA VILLAREAL

Is wearing a cowboy hat with Ramen on it. She says that as a girl scout, she had to decorate a Christmas Tree every year, so she’s on top of that responsibility. She is also taking 13 hours, so she has a lot of time on her hands too. She ends by saying that she’s friendly, and that she makes (good) things happen.

YAHIRA VERDEJO

Says that she thinks she knows us all, and wants to know us if she doesn’t. She also says that she is very organized when it comes to not doing homework, that she is friendly and likes to help everyone, and that she has crazy Christmas tree decorating skills. She also says that she’s open to ideas, and that she has some pretty cool ideas of her own.

BARACK OBAMA

Is really concerned about healthcare. He’s pretty charismatic, but he seems a little old for a freshman.

MEREDITH VENTURA

Loves Wiess so much that she made a TFW hat. In high school, she was a really involved member of key club, so she learned how to work with other people through that. She has experience coordinating people to get things done, and wants to use it to be a freshman rep.

LAUREN THEIS

Has prepared a book on why she should be a rep, and says she’ll read us a summary of chapter 1. She enjoys baking cookies, so she’ll make them for us. She’s also experienced at yeas and nays through model UN, has a black belt in taekwondo so nobody’s gonna steal our tree, and was a class rep in High School so she knows how to rep a class. She closes by making the point that she likes Rice, Wiess, and her last name is Theis, which rhymes with Wiess.

HI RACHEL!

Rachel says hi to all of us, and we say hi back. She says that the SA loves us even though we’re going to secede from it, and that she’s going to be telling us stuff about the SA every week.

Her first announcement is that we can use our hedgehopper cards to buy discounted things. This is true.

She also says that there is a new clubs website located at (appropriately) clubs.rice.edu. Adrian asks Rachel to repeat this about 600 times. If you’re interested in clubbing, check it out.

Apparently the old events calendar died, but there’s a new one at studentevents.rice.edu.

Finally, she announces that Wiess has three NSR’s, but I didn’t hear any of their names, so I’ll call them Snap, Crackle, and Steve.

THREE CHEERS FOR SWINE FLU!

Everyone claps when Rachel says that there have been 200 confirmed cases of swine flu on campus.

TIME TO CRUSH RACHEL’S SPIRIT

Bonnel takes the floor, and removes his hat to show that he is serious. He says that he’s been to the SA meetings, and that they are painful, unpleasant, and boring. Therefore, he says, with tears in his eyes, we must secede! Everyone is moved by his speech and votes to secede. Everyone, that is, except for Adrian, who is summarily ubangeed, as everyone forgets that he is the cultural and can in fact vote.

MIKE AGAIN!

Mike has no hat, so Christa hits him with a bat. Undeterred, he gathers his strength to make several awesome announcements:

STUDY BREAKS

As those of us who were here last year know, the Masters hosted a Middle Eastern study break, complete with roast lamb, and it was excellent. In addition to hosting this again, Mike also wants to host an East Asian study break, complete with food from Korea, China, Japan, Mongolia, and Taiwan. People are really excited about Taiwan. If you want to get involved with any of these, talk to Mike.

KOREAN THANKSGIVING

On October 3^rd , which is Korean Thanksgiving, an associate who teaches Korean is going to bring various Korean foods to the commons for us to enjoy. Volunteers are needed to help with setup/takedown.

KAZAKHSTAN! NO, REALLY!

On the 21st and 22nd of this month, the Ambassador from Kazakhstan, Erlan Idrissov, will be giving a speech in the Wiess commons. This is awesome. I have no idea how it happened, but I think I can safely say:

VERY NICE!

Mike, in anticipation of people making insensitive jokes (see above), says that we shouldn’t make Borat references. Also, he points out that ubangeeing the ambassador may not be the best idea, unless we clearly explain that it’s an act of love beforehand. Anyone who wants to help out with setting up the commons for this awesome event should talk to Mike.

SEAT OF SHAME! SEAT OF SHAME! SEAT OF SHAME!

ADRIAN AND MARGAY CLAIM NOT TO UNDERSTAND HOW THE AGENDA WORKS

Which is why they have to sit in the trash can. They need to open up their budget for a DJ and margarita machines for Salsa Night. We open up the budget, and Joe offers to make margaritas for Adrian.

MIMI WANTS TO GIVE AWAY TWO MATTRESSES

Some voice from the crowd says that they’re interested. I can’t hear who, but I assume it’s either Snap, Crackle, or Steve.

SHOW EVERYONE YOUR UNDERWEAR

Kelly the EcoRep says that we’ll be setting up clotheslines on the 4^th floor so that we all can air dry our laundry instead of using dryers, because air is environmentally friendly.

JACOB PFLUG FALLS INTO THE SEAT OF SHAME

And Matt kicks him over. Jacob also opened the tabletop budget for one-acts, but that’s not as important.

OTHER 4^TH FLOOR ROPE THINGS

Bonnel wants to put up 4^th floor rope lighting, to make it more of a chill hangout type place. I picture people hanging underwear out to dry on the rope lights. Come to think of it, that’s not such a bad idea. We’d only have to buy one kind of rope.

CABINET ADJOURNED!

TFW,

Dan "Kazakhstan!" Nelson